16 Weeks

Hi Baby. 

It’s been a bit. I’m seeing a Neurologist next week. My symptoms get worse every day and it’s definitely neurological. The term “dizzy” doesn’t seem right anymore. A month ago I was “dizzy.” I would have to stabilize myself as I walk to the bathroom and make sure I sat down enough. Now it’s different. I miss those days I though that was bad. 

I can sit up for about 45 minutes, but then I have to lay back down. Walking or standing is less available of an option and get harder and harder to deal with. I have a wheelchair now for trips longer than going to the bathroom and a cane for balance on my short walks. Screens seem to make it worse and I have an increasing sensitivity to light. 

If for some reason I can’t/don’t lay down as I get too dizzy to continue sitting (like we’re at church or the doctors office or talking to someone visiting), that’s when things change. I know it’s coming, but by that point it’s too late to make my way somewhere where I can lay down. I get blurry vision and so dizzy and faint/light headed that I can’t keep my eyes open. Then things get confusing and I have trouble answering simple questions or remembering words. I get to the point where I can’t talk and I’m shutting down. I don’t think I ever really pass out, I just loose consciousness or awareness. 

As I come back to, I start to realize I was unaware of a period of time and my brain starts piecing things together before I do. I realize that there is maybe a new person next to me who has asked multiple questions that I haven’t answered. But even as I come back, I find it difficult to speak. It takes a moment for motor skills to return and another moment for language to return so I can talk. After that it can often start going back out and into consciousness again multiple times before I’m okay again. 

I’m happy that I have a neurologist appointment but nervous of the tests they’ll want to do and how it can affect you. And medication options are a whole different stress. I need to just relax until I’ve seen the neurologist, it’s just been such a long  sit to get in. I guess neurologists are sparse in Las Vegas. 

I’m glad you’re doing well! This past week you’ve made yourself known with the cutest, most distinct tiny baby kicks and that is such a blessing! Suddenly none of my symptoms seem so bad and I’m more than willing to just rest until you come! 

PS I’m glad you’re there, but could you please release your death grip on my bladder? I’ve gotten up 5 times in the past hour and I just want to sleep!

Kamaria displaying how I currently feel.